Yesterday, we closed on our old house. Wow. A very weird feeling, to be sure. We're still in the move out process, which is going slower than we'd planned, but more on that in a minute. The coolest feeling in the world was depositing the check. I have never held that much money in my life. (MY money, anyway) I keep looking at the bank statement, and saying, "WOW!" Granted, I'll be spending it all next week when we put the down payment on the new house. It's still a great feeling to see that our hard work paid off. Then, I talked to our broker and found out we have plenty of money to get the new house. When all is said and done, and we close on that house, we'll have a good deal of money to use on some much needed projects. Again, more than I've ever had. And to think that just a couple weeks ago, I was so worried about money that I was literally in tears. I love how God takes care of things. So I hit midday feeling pretty good. That despite the fact that one of my employers forgot to pay me-AGAIN- we are fine. For the first time since the big layoff of '03, I can actually breathe easy. Something God and I have been wrestling over for months. I went back to packing, and felt pretty happy that I had very little left to do. Just my spices and food in the cupboards. I'd even taken out some chicken to marinate, stuck it in the marinade, and was ready to grill. For once, my life was back in my control. Then I went to get the kiddos from a friend's. The baby was crying, and as it turns out, she'd fallen and hurt herself. Well, more to the point, the bigger kids pushed her and she fell. I couldn't console her. When she finally cried herself to sleep, we started checking her arm to see how badly injured she was. She woke up and immediately started screaming. Despite my lifting limit, I carried her until we got her home. At the ER, the xrayed her (while she screamed) and didn't find a break, but because of the pain, they have her in a splint and they'll re-check her Friday. Three hours. That's how long it took for everything flowing perfectly to go to a complete mess. The time we spent in the ER was time That Man needed to get some work done for a crew to come in and finish today. He skipped out on work today after his one important meeting to get everything done. I have to admit, I've had an attitude over all this. With as much stress as we've been under, why couldn't I have just had one day be perfect? I have been stretched about as far as I can without exploding. I am exhausted. Another night of not sleeping, because I had a baby in pain sleeping next to me. I've done everything I can for her, and she is still in so much pain. I'm so mad. Why now? When we have literally had to fight to make everything work out okay? Why is there one more thing added to the list of impossibilities in our lives? But when I look back at the success and happiness of yesterday, I realize that in our celebration, there was a lot of selfish pride. "WE" did it. "WE" are finally going to be okay. Considering it was God who'd brought us through all the negative circumstances, that's a little high-handed. Yes, our bank account is finally at a place where I can breathe easier. And yes, I'm on my way to living in the home of my dreams. But it is still God who has allowed us to do all of this. And it is still God who will continue to carry us, even if the seas don't seem as stormy. Arrogance. It's a deep crevice on the way to the mountaintop.

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